I Don't Know What To Do
by Tarafina
Summary: "Daddy… Do you think… it's possible to be in love with two people?"


**Title**: I Don't Know What To Do (I Think I'm Fallin' For You)  
><strong>Category<strong>: Glee  
><strong>Genre<strong>: Drama/Romance  
><strong>Ship<strong>: Puck/Rachel  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG-13  
><strong>Prompt<strong>: Picture / "If you're in love with two people, pick the second one. If you were really in love with the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." by bewolke – puckrachel drabble meme  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 3,633  
><strong>Summary<strong>: "Daddy… Do you think… it's _possible _to be in love with two people?"

**_I Don't Know What To Do (I Think I'm Fallin' For You)_**  
>-11-

It hit her suddenly one afternoon while they were hanging out. It was just like any other day, but suddenly everything was so very clear.

She loved his smile.

She loved the way he laughed into his fist, hunching his whole body into the sound.

She loved how he made her feel; all light and airy and untouchable. That floaty essence that dominated her being whenever she was with him.

She loved _him_.

She couldn't remember how she got there. How her afternoons became Rachel and Noah time, rather than Rachel and Finn time.

They stayed innocent, or, well, as innocent as a girl could be when Noah was around. In the physical sense of the word, she remained completely faithful to Finn. But now that she was able to look at the situation with a critical eye, she was fairly sure she had been emotionally cheating on him. In fact, she was certain of it.

See, Noah was her best friend. He was the guy she leaned on when she was upset, who cheered her up by teaching her how to play Super Nintendo and making her sing when she wanted nothing more than to cry and mope. He was the guy that always picked up tofu-dogs when he had a barbecue, even though he said putting non-meat on his grill was sacrilegious. The guy who talked her down from every "I won't make it, I should just give up on New York now and apply at Sheets N' Things" pity-fest and shoved brochure after brochure for every single drama class and performing arts school in and around New York in her face until she agreed to keep trying.

But after all these months of spending so many afternoons at his house, bonding with his family, learning more about the Noah hiding behind the bravado of Puck, she had created something with him that she hadn't even realized. She would freely admit to anybody who asked that she loved Puck. Their friendship, his understanding of her in all of her flawed crazy, her appreciation for his talent and sometimes brutal honesty, made it easy to admit that he was the closest person to her, and she loved him for that. But it wasn't until that very moment that she realized she was _in love _with him.

A boy who was not her boyfriend.

A boy who was supposed to be her very platonic friend.

A boy who believed and trusted and appreciated her like no other boy had before him.

Suddenly, she was confused and shaking and her insides felt like they'd just been lit on fire.

"You all right?" he asked, his brow raised at her sudden personality change.

"I—I have to go." She hurried to her feet and toward the door.

"What?" He laughed in confusion. "It's Wednesday… _Meatloaf_ night!" He stared at her like she was even more nuts than usual. "I know you don't eat it and you'll just make some of your tofu shit, but you totally love sniffing it! Which I still think is probably totally against Vegan-rules or whatever…"

"I know and I'm so sorry to leave on such short notice. Please tell your mother that I apologize." She turned around and fled toward the stairs.

"Ra—Rachel!" he shouted after her. "What the hell?"

Frustration had tears stinging her eyes. "I'm sorry, Noah… I just… I have to go home right now."

He didn't get it. He had no idea what just happened; what epiphany she'd just had. But he stared down at her from the top of the stairs, his brows furrowed, and finally just nodded. "All right, just… Call me when you get home so I know you're okay…"

"I—I will," she promised before stumbling the rest of the way down and finally out the front door.

Her hands were shaking as she turned her key in the ignition and she was hyperventilating as she pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. The drive home was silent. She would usually put music on and sing along, but her mind was running at mach speeds. She couldn't make heads or tails of what her revelation meant. Did this mean she should tell Finn? Break up with him? Stop spending time with Noah? She didn't know!

When she got home, she sighed in relief at seeing her dads' car. Hurrying across the lawn and into the house, she fairly slammed the door behind her as she yelled, "Daddy!"

"Bunny?" Her daddy Leroy came running out of the kitchen, spatula in one hand and an oven mitt covering the other, wearing a Kiss-the-Cook apron. "Honey, are you okay?" His brows furrowed. "What are you doing here?" He shook his head. "It's meatloaf night at the Puckerman's…" he reminded.

She wasn't sure what to make of the fact that he _knew _that and so expected her not to be home.

"I know and I regret that I have to miss it," she said dismissively. "Daddy, I _really _need to talk to you and I need you to be very honest with me…"

"Of course." He motioned with his mitted hand toward the kitchen and she followed after him. Immediately, he poured her a glass of water and then took a seat across from her. Ridding himself of his glove and spatula, he turned his complete attention on her. "What is it? Is it big? Are you doing drugs? Are you pregnant?" He gasped, his eyes wide. "Oh honey, it's Noah's, isn't it?" He shook his head, clucking his tongue. "We always knew you'd make beautiful babies, we just hoped they'd be when you were older…"

"What? _No!_" She shook her head. "Daddy, _please_…"

He reached out, patting her hand. "I'm sorry, I got ahead of myself, you know how I get after a couple glasses of wine," he admitted, pointing to the bottle and the half-empty glass.

"Daddy…" She ducked her head a little. "Do you think… it's _possible _to be in love with two people?"

He stared at her, his brows furrowed. "Rachel, what is this really about?"

"Just… answer the question, please?" she pleaded, staring up at him with big, sad eyes. "Can a person _love _two people equally and still… I—I mean is it _okay? _Is it _natural? _Or… Or is it _wrong _and hurtful?"

Leroy took a deep breath before finally reaching over and taking his daughter's hands in his. "Rachel… I'm going to tell you something that you may not like, but I firmly believe it's sound advice."

She lifted her chin, nodding as though to tell him she was ready.

"If you're in love with _two _people…" He stared at her searchingly. "Pick the _second _one."

Her lips pursed questioningly.

"Because if you were _really _in love with the first, you wouldn't have _fallen _for the second…"

Her mouth opened as though to argue but then closed, and her eyes fell to the counter top. "You're right… I'm not sure I like that…"

He smiled gently. "Bunny… _Any _boy would be lucky to love and be loved by you…" He shook his head. "And unfortunately, you have _two_…" Standing from his seat, he reached across, patted her shoulder, and kissed her forehead. "Give it some thought…" He waved a finger seriously. "And trust me when I say it's not just because I happen to like Noah and his family… Finn's a good, solid boy, and his family are wonderful people…" Putting his oven mitt back on, he explained, "But the heart wants what it wants… And I think yours is telling you that you might love Finn, but it's not the to the extent you do or could Noah…" With one last sip of his wine, he turned back to the stove. "Now… Who wants kugel?"

"Actually, daddy, I'm not hungry…" She stood from her seat and walked toward the stairs. "I have some thinking to do."

"I understand, sweetie… Good luck."

Rachel spent the next hour and a half making pros and cons list, creating pie charts on her computer, and just generally worrying herself into a frenzy.

It was only when her bedroom window was shoved up and Noah Puckerman climbed through that she stopped.

"Noah!" she cried. "What—What are you _doing?_"

He shrugged, straightening out his hoodie before he sat down on the edge of her bed. "You didn't call me…" he said, leaning back on his elbows.

"And the front door?" she asked, arms akimbo. "That was just too much to ask of you?"

He smirked. "I'm working on my romance skills, babe… The ladies like a guy who can sneak in and out of their room without alerting the parentals…" He winked at her.

"How very gentlemanly of you," she muttered, rolling her eyes before she took a seat at her desk.

"I'm just a gallant kinda dude," he agreed, before frowning as he peered past her to her laptop. "You blew me off for homework?"

"Of course not," she replied.

"Then what's with all the…" He motioned to the papers and the diagrams.

Hurriedly, she began stacking them and shoving them out of his view, clicking the exit box on the screen before slamming the laptop shut. "Never you mind!"

He quirked a brow. "Rach… I speak English, gibberish, and a little Yiddish, but I haven't mastered Crazy yet, so you're gonna have to clue me in here…"

Chewing her lip, she stared at the floor diligently. "Noah… Do you… I mean, have you… Could you… Do think it's possible to…" She shook her head. "What am I doing?"

"Don't ask me. I'm still confused."

Sighing, she stood from her chair. "I shouldn't be asking you. Because that just means I'll base my decision off of your feelings rather than my own. And really, your feelings don't matter."

"Hey!"

"What matters is that mine have _changed_… And that it's not _fair_ to decide to hold onto him because it might be easier or more convenient or simply just familiar…" She shook her head. "I…" She laughed derisively. "Do you know what day today is, Noah?"

He blinked at her. "Meatloaf day?"

"_Yes!_" she cried. "It is _Meatloaf _day at the Puckerman house!" She threw her hands up. "So do you know where I am on _Meatloaf _day?"

"Uh…" His eyes darted away. "My place?"

She nodded. "And do you know where I am _not? _Do you know what _day _it is _not?_"

"Talking Calmly and Toning Down the Crazy day?"

"No." She shook her head. "I am not at _Finn's _on Meatloaf day. In fact, I don't know what day it _is_ for Finn. I don't know what night they have meatloaf or—or whatever else they eat there. Because I do not have dinner with his family!" She shrugged. "They're perfectly nice people. Burt and Carole and Kurt are all very nice. But tonight is _Meatloaf _night and Thursdays are pot roast and Saturdays are Rachel and Noah's Infinite Movie night and Sundays are Disney Movies with Becca and Mondays are Rachel's Pick, because I think it's only right to let your mother have a night off from cooking and she lets me cook with tofu because she thinks it's healthy!" She started pacing. "Do you know what that _means?_"

"That you know my family's eating habits better than I do?"

"No!" She frowned. "Well, actually, yes, but…" She sighed, turning to him with her hands on her hips. "I'm dating _Finn_, Noah… I'm dating him but I hardly spend any time with him except our usual Tuesday date and do you know what we talk about?" She laughed incredulously. "_Glee_." She shrugged. "We go to glee club and then we talk about glee club and then we continue this _farce _relationship like that is all that needs to be discussed, all the time we need to spend together, all the common interests we need..." She shook her head. "I don't want that! I don't _enjoy _that! I like movie nights and I've grown fond of Super Nintendo and I enjoy spending time with your sister, singing along with Belle and Beast and Aladdin and Jasmine and I…"

She smiled brightly. "I love the time I spend with you because it's the only time I feel like I can be me and not be afraid of how the person I'm with will react. If he'll be embarrassed or uncomfortable or _confused_…" Licking her lips, her shoulders fell in defeat. "Because I should _not _be dating Finn… Because I… I'm not in _love _with him…" She raised her wobbling chin. "Because I fell in love with _you _and it… It was so _easy_…" She sniffled, wiping at her face.

He stared at her a long minute before finally saying, "Really? 'Cause I've been waiting _forever_ for that? Didn't seem so easy then…"

"Wh-_What?_" She stared at him in shock.

He grinned. "You're really surprised?" Standing from her bed, he circled to her. Raising a knowing brow, he said, "Just think about it a second…"

So she did. She thought about their friendship and how it really began. How everything changed when Finn's secret about Santana came out. How Noah tried to be there, even though it subsequently blew up in their faces. That was when he acknowledged he liked her. But it wasn't until that summer and Lauren broke up with him that they really began spending time together. Most of her break was spent with Noah, driving around Lima, sipping slushees, swimming, going to movies, and just generally being teenagers. And when school started back up, when her insecurities made her wonder if he'd still hang with her, he was right there next to her on the first day, not caring that the whole school probably thought it was crazy that they were friends. He offered her his arm every day and she took it. The following seven months of their senior year, with its ups and down and drama, never got in the way of their friendship. He backed her up and told her when she was being too demanding and helped her in her every insane scheme. When she doubted herself and her future, he talked her out of it. When she worried Finn might be looking at Quinn or Santana or even Sugar, he told her Finn would be nuts to ever give up on her. When Shelby returned and _again _broke her heart, Noah was the one who held her as she cried and told her it was Shelby's loss; that she'd always regret it. And he let her comfort him right back when Shelby left and he lost his chance to know his daughter too.

The way he smiled at her.

The way he hugged her.

The way he always knew what to say; how to make her laugh; how to get her out of one of her crazy/dramatic/illogical moods.

The way he kissed her—

Oh, wait… That—That was happening _now_.

His hands gripped her hips and squeezed as his mouth slanted across hers in a hot, possessive kiss that made her toes curl into her carpet. Her fingers twitched, wanting to grip something, curling into her palms until little half-moons dented her skin. His tongue ran the seam of her lips and she parted them in willing anticipation, a soft sigh slipping out. And his hands, so big, his fingers so long, smoothed up her back and drew her in impossibly tighter, closer. She stumbled into him, her body molded to his, feeling every sinewy muscle stretch and tighten. Her hands rose up and gripped his shoulders, squeezed the strength flexing there before sliding up his neck to the soft tail of his 'hawk and holding on against the waves that flooded her every sense.

His tongue tangled with hers, stroking and tasting and exploring. Their noses nuzzled and bumped and it was so gloriously familiar that her heart thumped a little harder. She didn't want that to end; that feeling, that joy, that complete _rightness _she felt every time his fingers stroked along the skin between the end of her shirt and the top of her skirt. The way his body seemed to fit against hers in a way Finn's hadn't; where Finn had been little too tall and all arms and legs, there was something solid about Noah.

With that thought in mind, she remembered that she in fact had a boyfriend. Traitorous heart or not, she had yet to break up with him. She tore back and away from Noah, panting, chest heaving, and put some space between them.

He was staring at her, his eyes dark and dazed, and a smirk starting.

She licked her lips helplessly. "That… That was not supposed to happen," she told him.

His jaw ticked and his previous happiness fled, replaced with brooding irritation. "I swear to J-Money, Rachel, if you tell me you're sticking with Finn out of some fucked up loyalty…"

She shook her head. "No, of course not… I've already come to the conclusion that my relationship with Finn has to end… For the glaringly obvious reason that it would be wrong to be with him when my heart obviously wasn't in it…"

He looked confused. "Then why aren't we making out?" He motioned his head toward the bed. "We're awesome at making out!" He grinned. "This is _natural!_"

She smothered a smile. "While I _agree_… I think it's only right that I break up with Finn first… And perhaps give it a little time so we can both decide exactly what is supposed to come of this…" She knotted her hands together. "Noah, you know my feelings for you… But you also know that I'm monogamous in nature and while I was more accepting of your lifestyle when we were friends…" She shook her head. "I cannot and will not be in a relationship with any boy that chooses to look for affection in anybody who isn't me…" She took a deep breath. "Just because I'm in love with you doesn't mean I will put up with that kind of behavior…"

Licking his lips, he nodded. "Okay."

She frowned. "Okay… _what?_"

"Okay, I'm in. No other girls. You and me. Completely monogamous." He grinned. "Consider the sex-shark caught; hook, like and sinker."

She blinked. "I… Just… Just like that?"

He shook his head at her, amused, and crossed the space between them to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Rach… You're _it _for me…" he said, simply. "I don't need anybody else."

Her heart flipped over, but common sense told her to be more cautious. She placed her hand across his chest and reminded, "I still stick by my previous decision of not wanting to have sex until I'm twenty-five… Or marriage, whichever comes first." She lifted a shoulder. "And I plan on going to New York at the end of the year; _nothing _will stop me, especially not a boy…" She played with the string on his hoodie. "I'm high maintenance, loud, and not very well liked by the student body…" She darted her eyes up to his. "You have to be sure that you want to do this, because if you _don't _or if you have any _doubts_, then we should do our best to preserve our friendship above _all else_…"

"So I'll get familiar with my hand." He shrugged. "Or seduce you." He grinned. "Never say never…"

She rolled her eyes, lips curling at the corners in a smile.

"And I already applied for NYU. No guarantee I'll get in... But if this works out like I think it will, then babe, I'll find a way to make it work… If I have to wait on tables and play dive bars, I _will_…" He stared at her seriously. "And all that other stuff?" He grinned. "I already knew that about you. I _like _that about you. And the rest of the school? Their _loss_, Rach… _Seriously_…" He cupped her face, thumbs stroking her cheeks. "We'll keep the friendship… But I want more."

She swallowed thickly. "Okay…" She nodded. "_Okay_."

He grinned, leaning down and kissing her; this time short and sweet, before she could remind him she still hadn't broken up with her boyfriend. And when he stood back and stuffed his hands in the pouch of his hoodie, he winked. "Call me later… After you and Finnocence are done…" He walked toward the door.

She nodded, but then called out, "Noah… You came in through the window."

"I know." He laughed. "But I smell kugel!"

Rolling her eyes, she walked to her phone and took a seat at her desk.

Vaguely, she could hear her daddy and Noah talking downstairs and she just knew her daddy was aware of her decision. As she dialed Finn's phone number, she twirled the chord around her finger and smiled to herself. Despite the end of a relationship, she knew this was the right thing to do. And while she understood Finn would be hurt and even confused, she couldn't help but feel a little relieved. The truth of the matter was that she was _happier _with Noah, even just in their friendship. She was fairly sure that said quite a lot.

"Finn? Hi… Listen… We need to talk."

Later, when she texted Puck, he told her he'd pick her up for school. She agreed but thought it'd be fair if they didn't flaunt their new relationship in Finn's face the very day after. That didn't stop Puck from offering his arm or her from taking it though. And really, she thought the smiles on their faces gave them away anyway.

Judging by Finn's glare, she thought right. But she just couldn't find it in her to regret it.

[**End.**]


End file.
